let's make a negative list of things that has happened in the past three days:
casey, jess, and katie leaving for new york
step mom trying to kill herself then being in a coma only to wake up being absolutely out of her mind and not know anyone or anything.
speaking with my idiot father
chelsea losing the champions league final
cursed breaking up
when it rains, it pours.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Dancing without feet
There comes a point in your life where the smallest thing are the most important. There comes a point in your life where you start cutting the fat and brining people closer to you and pushing away the negativity. Well, for myself, that transition started about 9 months ago.
Three people became a big part of my life and the past nine months have been an absolute blast. Casey, Jess, and Katie. We have all hung out for a good chunk of that time either riding bikes, drinking, or just "paling" around. Life honestly couldn't be better. Being around people who you connect with on more than a friend level isn't something that happens all the time. With those three, it happened and I'm almost at a lose for words when it comes to describe our friendship. They are people that don't judge on my actions or even my choices. They are always there to help with help is needed. They are always there to talk to when things need to be worked out. And well, they are just always there. Everything was great...until they told me they were moving to New York City.
The progression of my emotions were so unbelievable. Doubt was my first reaction. I had convinced myself it wasn't going to happen. I had it all played out in my head. They would end up landing good jobs and staying in Seattle. Casey was finishing up his internship and I thought, hey, how about me getting him at job where I work at? I talked to him about it and he was open to the suggestion. He ended up interviewing and being offered the job, but he didn't take it.
Then, as the days past on, more plans to move to New York were hatched. Plane tickets were bought. In stepped anger and bitterness. I remember how I felt watching them buy plane tickets online. I remember the gut wrenching thought of them actually leaving. I remember being so pissed off at them. How can they leave? How can they just pick up and leave? Then I remember not too long ago, I did the same thing. I remember people talking to me about staying in Sacramento. Jobs were offered, friends pleaded and I was so dead set on moving to Seattle, I didn't think twice about staying.
So, anger and bitterness was quick to pass. Then we arrive at the present day: sadness.
Since Jess and Casey were staying with me for the past two months, I got to see them everyday and everyday was a treat. Even though my OCD kicked in a lot and got frustrated on how messy the house had gotten. It passed qucikly when I remember that these two people mean so much to me and they are going to be leaving soon. The laughs we had, the trouble we got into, the mess we caused. Everything. Everything that I was all about for the past nine months was coming to an end soon. I was laying in best last night restless thinking about everything we did. I still remember the 16 year old shit head I met in Sacramento those years ago and saying to myself, man, that Casey is insanely awesome. I remember the multiple times he gave me advice that I will never forget. I'll never forget the shitty food I'd always eat when he was around. I'll never forget the copious amounts of soda we would drink (and steal).
I'll also never forget when his parents spoke to me about him. Before the move was 100% going to happen, his mother grabbed my hand and thanked me for trying to get him a job. I can't imagine what they are going through. I mean if a friend can effect me in this way, I can't fathom what his parents are going through.
Casey came home the other day from saying goodbye to his parents. He went downstairs with Katie and I knew he was upset. I was packing records up and he came up stairs and I asked if he was alright. He said, "Yeah, just hard you know." and grabbed my shoulder hard. I could tell he was on the verge of tears and now that I think back to all of this, so am I.
Driving to the airport in the pouring rain was surreal. As we unloaded the car, I was trying to think of something with substance to say then just "Bye". After everything was out, I hugged Casey. I couldn't think of the words I wanted to say to him. I wanted something bold and meaningful but nothing came out. I gave Jess a hug and still couldn't tell them how much they meant to me. It frustrated me at the time, but then I relazied, with Jess and Casey, I don't need to tell them how much I love them and how much they have changed my life for the good. They already know. Katie leaves tomorrow night and it's not going to be easy seeing her go. I am glad I get to take her to the airport though. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Some people effect your life that no matter what, you will never forget them. Those three people mean something to me that I could never explain. It's not just friendship; it's love, caring, respect, and meaning.
As I sit here and write this, a deep sadness comes over me knowing that I will not see there face for a few months. Yeah, it's just a few months, but after nine months of those kind of friends, any length of time apart will seem like a life time.
I love you guys.
Three people became a big part of my life and the past nine months have been an absolute blast. Casey, Jess, and Katie. We have all hung out for a good chunk of that time either riding bikes, drinking, or just "paling" around. Life honestly couldn't be better. Being around people who you connect with on more than a friend level isn't something that happens all the time. With those three, it happened and I'm almost at a lose for words when it comes to describe our friendship. They are people that don't judge on my actions or even my choices. They are always there to help with help is needed. They are always there to talk to when things need to be worked out. And well, they are just always there. Everything was great...until they told me they were moving to New York City.
The progression of my emotions were so unbelievable. Doubt was my first reaction. I had convinced myself it wasn't going to happen. I had it all played out in my head. They would end up landing good jobs and staying in Seattle. Casey was finishing up his internship and I thought, hey, how about me getting him at job where I work at? I talked to him about it and he was open to the suggestion. He ended up interviewing and being offered the job, but he didn't take it.
Then, as the days past on, more plans to move to New York were hatched. Plane tickets were bought. In stepped anger and bitterness. I remember how I felt watching them buy plane tickets online. I remember the gut wrenching thought of them actually leaving. I remember being so pissed off at them. How can they leave? How can they just pick up and leave? Then I remember not too long ago, I did the same thing. I remember people talking to me about staying in Sacramento. Jobs were offered, friends pleaded and I was so dead set on moving to Seattle, I didn't think twice about staying.
So, anger and bitterness was quick to pass. Then we arrive at the present day: sadness.
Since Jess and Casey were staying with me for the past two months, I got to see them everyday and everyday was a treat. Even though my OCD kicked in a lot and got frustrated on how messy the house had gotten. It passed qucikly when I remember that these two people mean so much to me and they are going to be leaving soon. The laughs we had, the trouble we got into, the mess we caused. Everything. Everything that I was all about for the past nine months was coming to an end soon. I was laying in best last night restless thinking about everything we did. I still remember the 16 year old shit head I met in Sacramento those years ago and saying to myself, man, that Casey is insanely awesome. I remember the multiple times he gave me advice that I will never forget. I'll never forget the shitty food I'd always eat when he was around. I'll never forget the copious amounts of soda we would drink (and steal).
I'll also never forget when his parents spoke to me about him. Before the move was 100% going to happen, his mother grabbed my hand and thanked me for trying to get him a job. I can't imagine what they are going through. I mean if a friend can effect me in this way, I can't fathom what his parents are going through.
Casey came home the other day from saying goodbye to his parents. He went downstairs with Katie and I knew he was upset. I was packing records up and he came up stairs and I asked if he was alright. He said, "Yeah, just hard you know." and grabbed my shoulder hard. I could tell he was on the verge of tears and now that I think back to all of this, so am I.
Driving to the airport in the pouring rain was surreal. As we unloaded the car, I was trying to think of something with substance to say then just "Bye". After everything was out, I hugged Casey. I couldn't think of the words I wanted to say to him. I wanted something bold and meaningful but nothing came out. I gave Jess a hug and still couldn't tell them how much they meant to me. It frustrated me at the time, but then I relazied, with Jess and Casey, I don't need to tell them how much I love them and how much they have changed my life for the good. They already know. Katie leaves tomorrow night and it's not going to be easy seeing her go. I am glad I get to take her to the airport though. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Some people effect your life that no matter what, you will never forget them. Those three people mean something to me that I could never explain. It's not just friendship; it's love, caring, respect, and meaning.
As I sit here and write this, a deep sadness comes over me knowing that I will not see there face for a few months. Yeah, it's just a few months, but after nine months of those kind of friends, any length of time apart will seem like a life time.
I love you guys.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
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