Life is so fucking weird. I can't even begin to explain why I say that but man, what a weird weird life.
Stability is the word of the week. Stability. Let's see if I can get something going.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Je ne veux pas votre aide
I need to really clean my life up. Everything so is scattered right now and I'm lacking focus. I haven't took a photograph in almost two weeks and I promised myself that I would start snapping more and more photos. So this weekend, I am off. Leaving town and I hope to come back with a lot of photos to share.
My sleeping still isn't there. I went to the doctor this past Monday and I have another appointment next Monday. I am hoping that something will come out of these appointments. If not, I don't know what my next steps are going to be.
Work is really picking up and I will be working loads of overtime from here and until Christmas. I guess that is good though, keeping the mind occupied. It also means less time to hang out with friends and do things.
The days are already getting shorter and I have a feeling it's going to be a cold ass winter. Last night was the first night I actually slept in my bed. The past two months, I have just rested on top of it with a small blanket to cover me. But last night I actually got under the covers. It was blank and empty but I needed the warmth. Though, to think of it, It wasn't actually that cold out last night.
Any ways, my reading has slowed down as well. I need to pick that up again. It was one of the only things in my life that wasn't chaotic.
OK, that's enough whining.
My sleeping still isn't there. I went to the doctor this past Monday and I have another appointment next Monday. I am hoping that something will come out of these appointments. If not, I don't know what my next steps are going to be.
Work is really picking up and I will be working loads of overtime from here and until Christmas. I guess that is good though, keeping the mind occupied. It also means less time to hang out with friends and do things.
The days are already getting shorter and I have a feeling it's going to be a cold ass winter. Last night was the first night I actually slept in my bed. The past two months, I have just rested on top of it with a small blanket to cover me. But last night I actually got under the covers. It was blank and empty but I needed the warmth. Though, to think of it, It wasn't actually that cold out last night.
Any ways, my reading has slowed down as well. I need to pick that up again. It was one of the only things in my life that wasn't chaotic.
OK, that's enough whining.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Monday, September 1, 2008
Red lipstick, San Francisco, and a chilly afternoon.
This weekend I learned a few things. I learned that relief and despair are very close to each other. I learned that teetering between the two can turn a simple dream into a world that is upside down.
I learned that drinking myself into a hole is not the right step to recovery. I always knew that but I guess I needed to show myself how far I can go. I learned friends are always going to be around and ready to talk but you can still feel like the only person in the world with four walls closing in. I learned that any goals I try and set are always trumped by lack of motivation. I learned that my memory is my worst enemy. I learned that trying to find meaning in life is a worthless pursuit of false hope. I learned not to care.
I learned that drinking myself into a hole is not the right step to recovery. I always knew that but I guess I needed to show myself how far I can go. I learned friends are always going to be around and ready to talk but you can still feel like the only person in the world with four walls closing in. I learned that any goals I try and set are always trumped by lack of motivation. I learned that my memory is my worst enemy. I learned that trying to find meaning in life is a worthless pursuit of false hope. I learned not to care.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
LIS
I'm tired of people telling me my feelings are wrong. I'm tired of hearing I'm wasting my time. I'm tired of people telling me it's going to take time. I'm tired. I know they are right. I know my judgment is just clouded. I know why nothing looks colorful right now. I know why I'm not sleeping. I know why I have walls.
They are slowly breaking down and I know I'm too late for it to make a difference. I want to wake up from this long, devastating nightmare. I want to be able to wake up and feel good. I want to stop putting up a front like everything is fine. I want to stop feeling sorry for myself.
....
Track 1: ...LIS - 2:48
Track 2: ...LIS - 3.56
Track 3: ...LIS - 2.52
Track 4: ...LIS - 5.32
Track 5: ...LIS - 4.01
Track 6: ...LIS - 3.54
Track 7: ...LIS - 1.19
Track 8: ...LIS - 3.54
Track 9: ...LIS - 5.01
Track 10: ...LIS - 3.11
Track 11: ...LIS - 2.50
Track 12: ...LIS - 4.13
Track 13: ...LIS - 3.08
Track 14: ...LIS - 4.26
Track 15: ...LIS - 8.18
Track 16: ...LIS - 5.11
Track 17: ...LIS - 4.29
Track 18: ...LIS - 4.15
Track 19: ...LIS - 7.13
Track 20: ...LIS - 4.50
Track 21: ...LIS - 5.22
Track 22: ...LIS - 3.27
Track 23: ...LIS - 2.08
Track 24: ...LIS - 5.28
Track 25: ...LIS - 5.38
Track 26: ...LIS - 5.02
Track 27: ...LIS - 3.50
Track 28: ...LIS - 2.56
Track 29: ...LIS -4.59
They are slowly breaking down and I know I'm too late for it to make a difference. I want to wake up from this long, devastating nightmare. I want to be able to wake up and feel good. I want to stop putting up a front like everything is fine. I want to stop feeling sorry for myself.
....
Track 1: ...LIS - 2:48
Track 2: ...LIS - 3.56
Track 3: ...LIS - 2.52
Track 4: ...LIS - 5.32
Track 5: ...LIS - 4.01
Track 6: ...LIS - 3.54
Track 7: ...LIS - 1.19
Track 8: ...LIS - 3.54
Track 9: ...LIS - 5.01
Track 10: ...LIS - 3.11
Track 11: ...LIS - 2.50
Track 12: ...LIS - 4.13
Track 13: ...LIS - 3.08
Track 14: ...LIS - 4.26
Track 15: ...LIS - 8.18
Track 16: ...LIS - 5.11
Track 17: ...LIS - 4.29
Track 18: ...LIS - 4.15
Track 19: ...LIS - 7.13
Track 20: ...LIS - 4.50
Track 21: ...LIS - 5.22
Track 22: ...LIS - 3.27
Track 23: ...LIS - 2.08
Track 24: ...LIS - 5.28
Track 25: ...LIS - 5.38
Track 26: ...LIS - 5.02
Track 27: ...LIS - 3.50
Track 28: ...LIS - 2.56
Track 29: ...LIS -4.59
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
200mm
The words just aren't coming to me right now. I know what I want to say, I know what I need to say but they just won't come out. The rain is really depressing. I have a feeling this winter may be the worst winter yet.
I've finished my third book this month. That's the most I've read in one month in a long time. Granted, the book are only an average of 300 pages, but still.
It's a little late. I should probably be heading to bed even though I know it won't help.
I've finished my third book this month. That's the most I've read in one month in a long time. Granted, the book are only an average of 300 pages, but still.
It's a little late. I should probably be heading to bed even though I know it won't help.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Your love...a waste of time
mixing an amazing movie based off an amazing novel with an amazing song from an amazing band.
you get the point..
you get the point..
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