But still bangin'...
Monday, November 10, 2008
Weekends and Late Nights
Everything feels really weird lately. Even the normal things. I'm guessing that is change going into effect. I felt really nostalgic today. A lot of things reminded me of when I first moved to Seattle. I can't say that I never knew the future would be like this. But, those same smells and same feelings make me feel a little home sick. Not home sick, but past sick.
The constant feeling of being bummed it slowly fading but a small part is still there. And when those feelings crash with past memories, the small part overwhelms the not so bummed part.
Staying busy is helping. New people are helping. But, a part of my heart is missing and I don't know if it is ever going to heal.
Either way, things are better, (so much better) than they have been in the last...4 months. One thing that has changed is I'm sleeping better but sleeping less. I think in the past week I slept a total of 10 hours. I don't mind though; my time is being well spent. This week will be no different. A friend from SF is in town and she will be here until Tuesday so I gotta get major hang out time. But for now, I must get some sleep before this week starts.
The constant feeling of being bummed it slowly fading but a small part is still there. And when those feelings crash with past memories, the small part overwhelms the not so bummed part.
Staying busy is helping. New people are helping. But, a part of my heart is missing and I don't know if it is ever going to heal.
Either way, things are better, (so much better) than they have been in the last...4 months. One thing that has changed is I'm sleeping better but sleeping less. I think in the past week I slept a total of 10 hours. I don't mind though; my time is being well spent. This week will be no different. A friend from SF is in town and she will be here until Tuesday so I gotta get major hang out time. But for now, I must get some sleep before this week starts.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
rising sun
I don't know if it's really late or really early. I found a ton of more unused Polaroid film tonight and a Polaroid camera from the 70's at a friends. It looks like something fisher price would have put out. It definitely has a rainbow on it.
Time for bed...
Time for bed...
Friday, November 7, 2008
Relief
I hate to think that my feelings are fading. Maybe those feelings are drowned out by something new and hopeful. I'd love to hold onto those feeling forever. I'd love to hold onto that one individual forever. But..even after all the pain and heartbreak, the feelings need to be let go. Saying it out loud feels unnatural but maybe doing something unnatural is what I need to be doing. Sinking heart and all..
In time, it will slowly fade and that scares the shit out of me. I don't want to let go because it makes me feel real. I wanted justification that it was all worth it. But, I cannot live my life under the shadow of the past. I cannot progress if those feelings are still controlling my life. It's unfair to me and the people that are in my life.
Those feelings will always be crushing (believe me) but they will not be the end.
In time, it will slowly fade and that scares the shit out of me. I don't want to let go because it makes me feel real. I wanted justification that it was all worth it. But, I cannot live my life under the shadow of the past. I cannot progress if those feelings are still controlling my life. It's unfair to me and the people that are in my life.
Those feelings will always be crushing (believe me) but they will not be the end.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
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