existence

Last night around 315am, I was laying in bed thinking about life and death. I don't like thinking about shit like that because it gets depressing quick. I started thinking about preserving your memory. For instance, no one ever forgets about famous people. I mean, that's why they are famous; because they did something extraordinary. But then I started thinking about people who didn't do anything extraordinary. Every day people like you and me. Yes, they have a family (some) and people think about them a lot. But then it got a bit deeper. When does an individual lose existence? Does the final breath of that persons soul leave when the remaining person that remembers them dies as well? You're probably thinking on I'm some new age trip, but I was honestly laying in bed for two hours thinking about that specifically.

When are you truly forgotten about? At what time do you never get remembered again?

As I tossed and turned thinking about this question, I felt a deep sadness rush over me. I knew it was coming and I expected it, but this time it was cold and emptier than usual. It's really puts the universe into perspective. It feels negative and lonely to think that you really don't matter. Yes, you may matter to some people, and you may do something extraordinary, but if you don't, then you are forgotten forever and will never be thought of again. Am I wrong in thinking that life is not meant for happiness and you must struggle to find happiness? And when you do, what is there left to fight for? I'm not trying to be all doom and gloom, but when you clear all the shit out; it's pretty obvious what life's meaning is..and that it has no meaning unless you make meaning for yourself.

Fulfillment leads to happiness. Accomplishment leads to happiness. I know when I ride my bike up massive hills and finally reach the top, it's one of the best feelings. But what happens after that? Life is just a chase and once you have it, you feel you have to go one step further to enjoy it more. Complacency leads to doubting your existence. I know it all too well.